freedom

how should i put this?
i cant even start off the first sentence properly.
everytime i complete the sentence, it always sounded wrong.

for 20 years of my life, i never met that girl.
i didnt even bump into her.
and 2 years with her was bliss.
and now she no longer in my view, no longer in my heart.
i wonder what would it be like if i would bump into her again?
would i freak out?
would i smile?
would i just ignore?
i mean thinking about all the incident that we been thru.
hmm.
well i say this again, 20 years in my life i didnt know of her existance.
so i think i wont bump into her again for another 20 years.
haha.

i read her blog.
i think the guy she refering to as the 'one who got away' is that guardsman.
still remember how she avoided me to get along with him.
i think you are reading this, izyan.
remember the soccer boots u wanted to buy for your 'cousin'?
i think its more for afandi.
and remember you asked me if i contacted with afandi.
i did.
i lied to you.
i even had a good chat with him.
and gosh you dont know how much we talked.
how i got his number?
remember after the soccer boots surveying, you were sms-ing your cuz?
i was standing behind you on the escalator and remembered the number you type.
ha.
you are like lying to me in front of me.



i was talking about my mum about life and family and i found out the ugly side on some of family members.
and i was thinking about my actions to someone.
i didnt do it reluctantly.
you know its something like abrupt, like i need to do it.
and i guess, its karma playing its part.
so its bad to curse but i hope what ever karma comes to you, you learn it good.

o..and i so remember you as someone who likes to play with words.
o...i mention that already?
remember the day i was late to meet you at the airport?
ha.
nvm.
i dont regret meeting you.
i just wish we never met so that all this pain wont happen.


i now also think why i owe people money or why i have trouble financially.
its because of my actions when i was back in pri/sec sch.
i stole alot of stuff.
even money.
and i guess god tells me to learn how hard is to make a living.
and i am learning it for good.

gosh.
i love the weather now days.
warm.
sky so blue.
everytime i look out the window, i feel calm.
too bad the window is on the other side of my room.
i just wish it was in front of me when i face the kaabah.
haiz.


mum was talking about her going haj.
and i'm really scared but i have to face reality.
i mean, she told me all the 'WHAT IF's today.
what if ayah and mama pass away there?
so told me what to do.
what if anything happen there?
she told me.
what if....
she's my mum.
i love her so much.

i shed tears everytime i think of them going there.
i promise to myself that i wont shed tears when they leave me and my bro.
i dont want them to think about hal dunia when they are there.
i want them to go perform haj at the purest state.
i want them to perfom haj properly.
i pray for them.
:)

2006 has been a year for fruitful events.
mostly happy ones.
got my license.
got my first job.
ord-ed
got to met new friends.
skated again.

those sad ones i had, those painful ones, i will just push it aside.
like the relationship in 2006.grr

2007 is coming fast and i should start on a new year resolution now.
think think.
what i want to do.

i remember i said in 2004 i wanted to be single.
grr
should have listen to my resolution.
hahaha.


endz.